Dear Little Bear,

I have been thinking.

I've been thinking about how I always wanted to be a writer and how I always wanted to do something great and be remembered for it...not necessarily doing some heroic deed with my writing but to have great writing and do a heroic deed.

I am often a selfish thoughtless person Little Bear. I don't mean to be, but I am...and my forgetfulness isn't very conducive to mending my ways...though, I have often tried and failed and given up all together in disgust.

I have come to the conclusive realization, that I'll never be a hero, or an important person, or even really to be a great writer...and to be honest...I've not had an easy time admitting to it. I don't suspect that anyone would - not when they have great big dreams of some herculean or even small feats that would ascend them to the sky in the eyes of friends and strangers.


I find it hard to accept the fact - the hard reality - that when I die, no one will ever know I was here...except you my Sweet Bear, your hell raising Brother..and more than likely, I will go to join your Dad when I go...with his diabetes, he isn't likely to out last me.

I won't lie and say that it makes no difference to me..because it does.

I have a talent for writing my little stories and such...but talent is not genius (if I may quote LITTLE WOMEN) and I'm not good enough at it to amount to anything....but I do like it...so I'll just write for my own enjoyment....and maybe yours someday too...if you can ever find it in you to appreciate my drivel.

I live an ordinary life Sweetness. I am no great beauty (though, I must admit to vanity and say that I once was when I was young and thin) and I have no astounding accomplishment to distinguish me. I'm just another working class soul with a house, husband, children, and a job that I would rather not have.....

but I have found hope in these things Bear.

I have a great husband. You father has his faults Sweetness, but not more than any other man...he's damnably fine as far as men go. He rarely looses his temper, works hard...and he loves us. He loves you Sweetness, he just doesn't show it well. He's not quite sure what to do with you....he's a serious person with bouts of goofiness...you're a goofy person with bouts of seriousness. The contrasts don't seem to go well together...but never doubt that he loves you.

Our house is no castle, but we work hard for it and earn an honest living. One day, hopefully soon, we'll have the money to furnish and decorate it. I never wanted to live in a trailer. I'll admit that it's a bitter disappointment to me...but those walls hold a happy family...so I'll hush and be thankful for it.

I have two great - though very different children. You are all sweetness and light.....with a spice of smartassery (my doing)...and your brother is spawn of Satan. I swear that boy is a trial to me. He has argued with me since he learned to talk...and I'm not exaggerating...but I love you both...more completely than I ever thought I'd love anyone....and I don't know - and don't WANT to know what my life would be like without you and your hellion brother.

As far as the job goes...there aren't many people who enjoy what they do, so I should just be thankful to have one and shut up about it....I'll work on that.

Maybe when I get older and wiser, I will know more about life and be able to be more gratified and graceful in everything, but until then, I must suffer along with everyone else and hope I don't crush to many toes.

I hope I don't screw up.